'I still speak to my brother Garvey Gayle after he killed our dad'
"I don't know if I can ever fully forgive him for everything... I'm still in that process now."
Essence Gayle still speaks regularly to her older brother Garvey, two years after he killed their father Michael.
Their mother, who was also injured in the attack, believes her partner's death could have been avoided if her son had been given more support.
This case will be one of the first of its kind to be reviewed under a new system in Wales by the government.
For that reason, South Wales Police and Cardiff and Vale University Health Board said they could not comment on the case.
The health board said its thoughts remained with the family.
Garvey Gayle later admitted manslaughter due to diminished responsibility and the attempted murder of his mother. He is being held indefinitely under the Mental Health Act.
On 16 October 2020, Garvey, then 21, stabbed his 54-year-old father Michael 17 times. He was pronounced dead at their home in the St Mellons area of Cardiff.
During the same attack, he also stabbed his mother Amanda Brookes Gayle in the arm, stomach and side.
More than two-and-a-half years on, Amanda said they were yet to receive any satisfactory answers about what went wrong and whether the killing could have been avoided.
She is worried other families could be let down before any lessons identified in the case are eventually published.
"I'm appalled really at the time it's taking," said Amanda.
"I don't think it's fair on the family at all... I don't understand why all these things have taken so long."
The reviewers told BBC Wales Investigates they were sorry for the delay and any learning would be shared as it emerges.
'Held the family together'
Amanda remembers Michael as a loving father to their four children - Garvey, Essence, Marlon and Marysia - and said he always put his family first.
"I know that all parents love their kids and their children and they do their best, but our children were our life, our focus - it wasn't about nine to five, it was about our family, that was our job, that was our work. That was our life," she said.
Essence said of her father: "He was a typical family man... always picking us up from school, taking us to school.
"He had to ride the bike to take us because he couldn't drive so I would be sat on the handlebars, Garvey would be sat on the pegs and Dad would ride to the school...
"We were just a very solid unit."
Essence said she and her brother Garvey, who are 16 months apart, were "inseparable" growing up, but after he left college things started to change as his mental health deteriorated.
"We weren't as close and he'd shut himself off more," she said.
"Things he was saying just didn't really add up - he just wasn't making sense, there was just a drastic change in his behaviour."
As parents, Amanda and Michael also noticed changes in Garvey.
"He sat there and he cut himself out of every family photo precisely," said Amanda.
"He said we weren't his family any more and he was going to disappear, which didn't make sense at the time. It's just crazy."
She said on another occasion he sliced up their sofa and her bed and referred to himself as Jesus Christ.
He also began chanting or reading the Bible and would be up all hours in his bedroom.
"He'd be putting lit cigarettes in his pockets and I'd have to say, 'like your clothes are on fire, literally'," she said.
In June 2019 Garvey started to become violent towards Amanda, was prosecuted and jailed for 10 weeks.
"I was hoping he was going to get help for his mental health but he was just released, came back home to me, broke police bail because he wasn't supposed to come to me," she said.
"Police officers, when they were coming, I was explaining 'it's not a criminal matter, he's genuinely mentally unwell'."
Eventually Garvey became so unwell as he was sectioned and held in psychiatric units.
Six months later he was discharged but he was not able to live with Amanda and Michael as he had previously been assessed as posing a high risk to them.
Garvey was sent to live in a homeless hostel in Cardiff but Amanda said it was clear to her that he could not look after himself in the hostel.
"He was known as Jesus Christ. I would go to visit my son and I'd go 'Garvey?' and they'd go 'Oh, Jesus, I'll go get Jesus for you, he's upstairs'."
She said he continually told her did not want to stay there and she would have to video call him to ensure he had taken his mediation.
Three months before Garvey killed his dad, South Wales Police, probation and mental health staff were meant to discuss the risks he posed at a special meeting but failed to do so.
"It was like they weren't joining up the dots, lack of communication or something, something wasn't working properly obviously," said Amanda.
"I just kept saying, 'please get him the mental health help that he needs'.
"It was just an ongoing cycle basically...until that tragic night...when our lives were changed forever."
Amanda said it was not until after Garvey had killed his father that he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
"If Garvey had got this intense help back then Michael would still be here and Garvey would have been getting the help he needed," she said.
"But we had to lose Michael for Garvey to get the help he needed. It's backwards."
"I don't think it really registered that dad was gone," said Essence.
"Everything was still in place, his drink was still there where he left it when he went out earlier - it was like nothing's been touched, dad will be back soon.
"I don't think I'll ever get over that my dad's not here.
"Garvey did that, even though you could say it wasn't him at the time."
Essence is still in touch with her brother.
"We speak now every so often, twice a week maybe, some days he's like Garvey again - he's asked me questions about what have I been up to, then other days he doesn't sound well again, so it's still a work in progress," she said.
Amanda has received a letter from Garvey but had only felt able to speak to him over the phone once.
"I told him how much I loved him. I told him I have forgiven him and I'm sure his dad's forgiven him as well," she said.
"I know he has."
Cardiff and Vale University Health Board has been reviewing the care it provided Garvey but Amanda does not yet have the findings.
For now, the family continues to wait for answers.
"I can just pray that lessons are learnt and something good comes out of this horrific thing that has happened to our family," said Amanda.
"I hope my son gets well and doesn't spend the rest of his life in hospital and he has some kind of future."
- BBC Wales Investigates was on BBC One Wales on Monday, and is available on BBC iPlayer