I was scared of everything after sister's murder - Olympian
"For the first time in my life I found myself with no energy. I was scared of everything."
Olympian Joel Fearon's sister was murdered in June last year. Natasha Morais had been tortured before she was killed and the impact on the sportsman was immense.
It led to the bronze-medal winner retiring from his bobsleigh sport as he found himself gripped by anxiety and insomina.
Now, as he starts to make a return to sport by training sprint athletes, he and his family want to honour his sister's memory by working with charities which support vulnerable women.
Fearon, from Coventry, was one of the fastest sprinters in Great Britain.
He had a personal best of 9.96secs in the 100m and later switched to bobsleigh, being awarded a retrospective Olympic bronze from Sochi 2014 after a team was stripped of a medal for doping.
In 2019 he raced for Switzerland and got a third-place finish at the Europe Cup in Konigssee, Germany.
He had been at the top of the sport for 10 years when he decided to call time on it.
"I just couldn't be the person I was, everything became hard, I started having anxiety and insomnia, just general feelings and stress I had never felt before," he said.
Life had been based on conquering fears and to suddenly find himself fearful, when he had previously been confident, was difficult.
"I was scared of going to work, and leaving my family, I was scared of everything, I just wanted to make sure everything and everyone was OK."
His sister, 40, was killed by a man who had built a friendship with her after finding out she had received inheritance money from her grandmother.
Her murderer was jailed for a minimum of 34 years after Ms Morais was found in Whetstone, Leicestershire.
"Everyday I wake up and go, this really happened," said Fearon adding he felt he had let his sister down.
He has had to learn to be kind to himself, and not put so much pressure on himself to make everything right.
He has now returned to work and said on a good day, he uses everything that his family has gone through as a "tool to move forward."
Now he and his family want to honour Natasha's memory by working with charities which support vulnerable women.
Fearon's mum, Jacqui Morais, said her daughter had been full of love.
"She was just full of love, full of mischief.. she was just a nice person," she said.
"She started helping with the homeless, so we might just carry that on. She used to feed them – but couldn’t cook – but she had a lovely conversation!
"Whatever we do will definitely be about helping people."
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