'Why we grow giant vegetables'
Autumn is officially here and that means harvest season; a climactic moment for giant vegetable growers.
World record breakers can spend thousands of pounds a year on the craft and devote hours every day tending to their produce.
Their hard work pays off at events like the UK Giant Vegetable Championship, where they can display their enormous vegetables to gawking masses, and mingle with fellow growers from across the country.
The BBC caught up with some enthusiasts at the event in Malvern, Worcestershire, to find out why they have dedicated their lives to massive marrows and preposterously protuberant pumpkins. And according to some, it's a "brutal sport".
Kevin Fortey broke three world records for his veg this year, and growing truly runs in his blood.
His father, Mike Fortey, co-founded the Giant Vegetable Championship in the 1980s.
It started in a small Welsh pub, but the venue changed regularly as the popularity of the event increased, along with the pumpkin sizes.
“The pumpkins were getting so big they couldn’t fit through the doors. They had to find a pub with double doors”, Mr Fortey recalled.
'Vegetable growing as kids wasn’t cool'
Giant vegetable growing was traditionally an element in local village community shows.
Mr Fortey said it wasn't, therefore, always taken too seriously in the gardening community. The official championship, though, is changing attitudes.
“Vegetable growing when we were kids wasn’t a cool thing to do,” he explained, “but interest is growing every single year, right across the world.
"They used to call me the onion kid, but now I’m the giant veg man."
His hobby had since taken him to meet famous people, from King Charles to Snoop Dogg.
The championship is now hosted at The Malvern Autumn Show.
A sour, earthy odour lingers across the carpeted warehouse housing the veg.
Beeps of reversing trucks echo across the space, delivering gnarled vegetables ready for weighing.
'The tape never lies and nor do the scales'
Carl Lambourne, who won third place for a giant squash, described how he became hooked on growing.
"It's a competitive sport. In the giant world, they say 'the tape never lies, and the scales never lie'."
And it sounds like the work is never done. “You have your personal best," he said, "then you’ve got to try to beat that again the following year.”
Soon enough, David DeBishop, staff from the event, approaches and cryptically states: "I think you'll want to see this."
Hitched on the back of a pick-up truck is a pumpkin weighing just under 1,200 kg - a weight equivalent to that of a black rhinoceros.
The grower, Ian Paton, completed a three-hour journey from his Hampshire garden with the gourd.
His wife Sarah Paton described passers-by leaning out of their car windows to get snaps of the pumpkin as it hurtled down the motorway.
Mr Paton grew the beast with his brother Stuart, who had to skip the championship this year for his wedding.
The Patons missed out on the world record, currently held by Travis Gienger from Minnesota - but they vow to beat it.
'Our wives become widows'
For a quarter of the year, the brothers dedicate six hours a day to tend to their pumpkins.
"Our wives become widows,” Mr Paton said.
While big cash prizes can be won in pumpkin growing, annual expenses hit four figures.
Costs to be covered range from soil fertiliser to pumpkin passports required to fly gourds to international competitions.
“If I worked out how much it cost to grow giant pumpkins I probably wouldn’t be doing it.” Mr Paton said.
'What we do is a brutal sport'
Growing has its highs and lows - one mistake or a change in weather can lead to disastrous consequences.
“What we do is a brutal sport," said Mr Paton.
"We lost every pumpkin last year; first time that’s ever happened."
He paused as the memory washed over him. "It’s difficult when you lose that many. You’ve done all that work and there’s nothing to show for it."
The turbulent weather has made this a tough year for the growing community, but several of the brothers' massive pumpkins have survived.
One of Mr Paton's favourite things about growing is the community, who share seeds, growing tips, and comfort when things go wrong.
“We’ve made life friends doing this, all across the world. Really the only competition we have is with ourselves”, he said.
Are retirees in flat caps on the way out?
Social media is expanding the community. Facebook groups rack up thousands of members, sharing tips and pictures of their produce.
"Historically the classic giant vegetable grower is a retiree with a flat cap and plenty of time on their hands," Mr Fortey said.
"Over time, through different social media platforms, we've got more women and young people becoming involved."
Annette Stone has been in the game for decades.
She said: “Giant vegetable growing- all vegetable growing - is very male dominated.
"But I think there are more women now. I’m in a giant vegetable Facebook group, and there seems to be lots more women taking part.”
As for what's next in the shorter term, growers are heading to a pumpkin weigh-off this Saturday at the Wargrave Nursery Plant Centre.
Who will win, gourd only knows.