Instagram-worthy Christmas: Parents reject social media pressure

"Mammy, can we have an Elf on the Shelf?"

Those dreaded words were uttered by my darling six-year-old as he opened the first door of his obligatory chocolate advent calendar.

The elf was duly installed on top of his Christmas stocking where it has remained ever since, next to a pile of yet-to-be-written Christmas cards.

From Elf on the Shelf and North Pole breakfasts to Christmas Eve boxes and matching Christmas pyjamas - are social media-driven traditions spoiling Christmas?

Charlotte Harding is the writer of family-focussed blog Witchy Wales, which covers everything from frugal living, recipes, book reviews and family-friendly activities.

"I definitely believe that these Insta-worthy fads going on at the moment are taking the fun out of Christmas, it's taking the fun out of these family events," said Charlotte, who has two boys aged 10 and eight.

"For me it's about being with your family at Christmas and it's about making memories that last."

Charlotte, from Ferndale, Rhondda Cynon Taf, said her least favourite new tradition was Elf on the Shelf.

"I wish I'd never introduced that thing into my life," she said.

The festive toy began as a character in a 2005 children's book, which tells how Santa sends an elf to check whether children are being naughty or nice.

From 1 December, once children are asleep, parents move the elf in different locations in the house so the children find him somewhere new when they wake up in the morning.

"I go to bed at night and I just think of that little cherub face waiting downstairs, and I think 'oh no, I've got to move it again' when I'm all warm tucked up in bed."

She is also not a fan of the Christmas Eve box, which usually contains hot chocolate, marshmallows and pyjamas.

"You could spend about £50 on that if you really want to go all out," she said.

This year she went with her family to the winter light trail at Cardiff's Bute Park.

"I realised pretty quickly that people were buying tickets just for the photo opportunity," she said.

"They were lots of people holding up queues because they were there taking the perfect photo."

She said it was made all the worse by the cost of living crisis and low level anxiety over trying to do everything with the children over the Christmas period was a topic of conversation at the school gates.

"Where people are just trying to make out that things are perfect and shiny and bright for Christmas, it's put in a hell of a pressure on parents who just can't do it and who simply can't afford it," she said.

"I just wish that people would wake up and see that the little things in life are the most beautiful."

Christy Bruckner from Cardiff, who blogs as Welsh Mum of One, said the pressure to post the perfect picture meant she had not posted on Instagram in years.

"A few years of being a parenting blogger made me realise how unimportant other people's opinions are and how terribly toxic social media can be," she said.

"I wouldn't do Elf on the Shelf even if I was being paid a juicy campaign fee," she said.

"The pressure to perform on Instagram is insane. People are constantly comparing likes and comments and the interactions I experienced there are often forced - people like and comment not because they want a genuine engagement, but because they want you to do the same in return."

She said there was "constant competition" with other influencers.

"I began to realise my online circles of 'friendship' weren't authentic and my connections felt forced," she said.

She said the final straw was receiving negative comments about her son's appearance.

"Social media has had a huge negative effect on my mental health and I don't think I'm the only one. Because of that I no longer work on any campaigns that require Instagram use," she said.

She said for her family she aimed to recreate "the love and comfort and care" she received from her mother and grandmother growing up, "not trying to keep up with complete strangers".

But it is not always easy: "It's incredibly hard when you see everyone else posting photos and talking about amazing experiences. There's always an element of Fomo [fear of missing out] and I think a lot of mums feel a lot of guilt about not giving their kids the same thing that other people do," she said.

"I know I constantly question whether I'm a good mum."

Christy thinks social media sets an "unrealistic standard of happiness" but simple activities such as a family walk, baking a cake together or watching a film together could be just as rewarding and memorable.

Conversations about Christmas start on online network Mumsnet in the summer, said its head of communications and public affairs Rhiannon Evans.

"If you're a parent of young children, there is a lot of pressure on you to pick up every tradition going and make Christmas as magical as possible - it's something we know a lot of our users feel very stressed out about," she said.

"Social media is quite a big part of it because if you see other families doing all those lovely photogenic activities you feel like it's something that you should participate in."

She said a popular trend on the site this year was the North Pole breakfast, a special breakfast for children to mark the first door being opened of the advent calendar.

She said for many Christmas was an "already expensive and stressful time of year" and the newer traditions of social media were "adding another layer of pressure for parents to do things that they can't necessarily afford".

Mumsnet carried out a survey of 1,028 users between 21 October and 3 and October 2022 and 15% said they had taken on debt to pay for essentials in the past month. A third said they were very or extremely worried about their finances.

Rhiannon said: "Just try not to feel the pressure and remember that the pictures you see on social media are not necessarily an accurate representation of any situation, they're a snapshot of a particular moment in time, and it's about doing what's best for you and for your family."