Child loss: Mother who lost husband and son welcomes support plan

A mother who lost her husband and one-year old son within five days of each other has welcomed a plan to help bereaved families.

Rhian Mannings has been campaigning for support for anyone affected by the sudden death of a child or young person under the age of 25 years.

Bereaved families will now be called within 48 hours to offer support and guidance.

Ms Mannings said the plan was "the legacy" of her husband and son.

The Welsh government launched its bereavement pathway on Friday, which means a bereaved person will now receive a call within 48 hours of the death, a follow-up house call and continued bereavement counselling for the whole family.

Ms Mannings, 45, set up her charity 2Wish, after the losing her young son George and husband Paul within five days of each other in 2012.

She said: "Back in 2012, my one year old son George died suddenly. My husband Paul and I had three children at the time, George was our youngest and we had a two and three year old as well.

"George showed no signs of sickness whatsoever, fell ill and was rushed to hospital just down the road. But sadly within two hours of being admitted to the hospital, he died."

She explained that the hospital staff really did look after her and her family, but it became clear bereavement support would not be available when they left the hospital.

She said: "We didn't get anyone phoning us or coming to visit us. We were given a list of phone numbers, some of which were actually out of date."

Just days later, Rhian suffered another tragic loss.

"Then five days later after George died, my husband Paul walked out of the house and never came home again.

"He took his own life, traumatised by what we'd been through five days prior, leaving myself with Hollie and Isaac to really just get on and live a life that at that point I didn't think I could do."

Speaking of the support her family received, Rhian said: "I expected a phone call, I expected someone to come out and see us, but there was nothing in place.

"I truly believe if there would have been something in place back then that Paul would have been here today."

Following Paul's death just days after her son died, Rhian, from Miskin near Llantrisant, Rhondda Cynon Taf, spoke of a similar lack of support.

"We did have family liaison officers that were assigned to us, who again were really lovely individuals, but admitted at the time that they were not trained in bereavement support, that wasn't their role." she said.

"The GP came out and again he was really emotional. He was very apologetic when he explained that it was at least a year wait for any type of support and he sat in front of us and made phone calls and never got anywhere."

"It was just baffling. I had a two and three year old, I didn't even know how to talk to them about death, and what had happened. I had nothing given to me, no information about how to talk to children about death."

Therefore, she had to "make up something" to tell her young children, who were just two and three at the time.

She told them: "When you die you don't need your body any more, but we all have a bundle of sparkle in our tummy. When you die, that bundle of sparkle gets thrown up into the sky and becomes a star."

"You will see George forever and as long as you want to see him. I never realised just five days later that I'd be telling them the same thing about their Dad."

From her experiences, Rhian gathered the strength to make a change, and ensure the outlook would be better for families in a similar position.

Initially, she shared her story, and started her charity 2wish.

She said: "I realised this was a gap, and there was nothing like this available across the UK. I did it as a volunteer for about three years, and just used my savings to get it off the ground.

"I then had a corner of a friends office which I worked out of, it took about four and a half years for it to become something where I thought this could make a difference."

Her first big breakthrough came from a pilot in Cardiff that when an under 18 dies sudden circumstances, they would be phoned within 48 hours of their death.

The pilot was such a success, that it was then run across Wales.

Rhian received an MBE for her work, and said: "To see people putting one foot in front of the other and knowing they're not alone is amazing, because grief can cause such feelings of loneliness and isolation."

She said her charity will support not just families, but anyone impacted by the death and has supported up to 30 people from one death in the past.

She said: "This is now a formal pathway across Wales that has to be followed, if a child or young person dies suddenly in Wales.

"We can't stop the deaths happening, but what we can do is make sure that nobody feels alone like Paul and I did all those years ago."

Deputy Minister for Mental Health, Lynne Neagle, said: "Bereavement affects us all in different ways and I am committed to ensuring support and care is available to everyone across Wales."

She said working closely with the bereavement steering group, the Welsh government was making improvements to bereavement care "at pace".

"We want health boards to take these model pathways and working together with partner agencies adapt them to the needs of their local communities," said Ms Neagle.

"2Wish and other charities across Wales are providing vital services and working together we can support those through their grief."