IVF: How one single man hopes to become a father

Stephen Dyer always wanted to be a father.

In a relationship for five years, he discussed starting a family with his partner.

Then, last May, his partner had a change of heart and they separated. For Stephen it was a turning point.

He decided to start looking at how to become a father with a surrogate. He is one of a small, but believed to be growing, number of men who have decided to have children through IVF.

"I thought - I'm 34, I have time but do I want to put myself through another three or four-year relationship only to reach the same point?" said Stephen.

There are an increasing number of single women becoming mothers through IVF, however there are no statistics about the number of single men doing so.

Surrogacy UK, who help introduce so-called 'intended parents' with surrogates, said they have seen an increase in the number of single people, including men, wanting to become members.

"I'm an only child. I didn't come out as gay until I was 26 partly because I didn't want to let down my parents, as I didn't want them to think they weren't going to have grandchildren," Stephen said.

The secondary school teacher looked at surrogacy in 2014 but then met his ex-partner.

"After our relationship broke down I felt like, I was happy to do it single before, and I am now," he said.

"There are a range of ways you can do it, not just surrogacy. There's co-parenting or adoption, but I have a deep burning desire for a biological child.

"Myself and my ex-partner were registered foster parents for a time and I looked at adoption, but in the end I wanted to experience biological fatherhood."

It was the start of a journey he's only part-way through.

Having settled on host surrogacy, where an embryo is created with a donor egg and carried by a surrogate, he expects the costs to be up to £40,000.

It means he has had to re-mortgage his home in Newport.

"I'll do anything that I possibly can to realise my dream of becoming a father," he said.

Until January 2019, a single man could not have a child through surrogacy and be legally recognised as the only parent.

A surrogate who carries a child is always named as a parent on a birth certificate.

The intended parents must apply for a parental order to change that, which can take months.

Now a single man or woman can apply for a parental order to remove the surrogate with a single parent named instead.

The number of children born this way is about 10 times greater than a decade ago. It has become so common that the Law Commission is reviewing surrogacy laws.

Stephen, who blogs about his experience, knows a number of single men considering fatherhood through surrogacy.

He said: "There's a Facebook group for single men, not just gay but straight men too, and people are coming forward and saying, 'You know, I want this as well, this is my dream'.

"We have become a community of single men who want to become dads."

In November his clinic found him an egg donor.

He said: "They emailed to say I would be the sole recipient of the eggs. She's in her thirties, has blue eyes, dark blonde hair, olive skin, is 1.68m tall, weighs 88kg, doesn't have children and likes theatre, nature, animals and books."

Two months later she donated her eggs and Stephen was called by the clinic the next day. Five eggs were fertilised.

"A week later two embryos had been created, which remain on ice in the clinic," he said.

"I really hope that by this time next year, one of these will be growing into a little person."

David Watkins, from Southampton, was one of the first single fathers to be granted a parental order as a single father in the UK after his son Miles was born last year.

He has started up a website to help other men thinking of going it alone.

"A lot of single men have just accepted the fact that they're never going to have biological children they don't even know that the law has changed," he said.

"But now people are learning about the new changes in the law, I have noticed an increase in traffic and inquiries from single men who are looking to be dads on the website, in the last year."

For Stephen the next step is finding a surrogate.

This can take months and cost thousands of pounds in expenses.

"Hopefully I'll be able to find, or somebody will come forward and help me realise my dreams of becoming a dad," he said.

"And who knows, maybe in 12 or 18 months time I might I might have my own little mini-me running around?"

He hopes the surrogate will become a "friend and family".

"I always anticipated I would have a partner or there will be somebody with me to bring the child up together," he said.

"But you can do it on your own, it is possible.

"It is not quite as easy as having a child could be, but I'm excited to be a father. I can't wait."

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