'Time to recognise the invisible loss of our babies'
BBCWhen Ailsa Meldrum's pregnancy ended she was patted on the hand by a nurse and told to try again.
Ailsa had only found out she was pregnant hours earlier but as the pregnancy was ectopic, where a fertilised egg implants itself outside of the womb, the baby could not be saved.
"That was a very much wanted baby and it was very traumatic, I was unwell for about a year afterwards - I didn't cope," she explained.
That experience 22 years ago guides her work today as a counsellor supporting bereaved parents and her support for a new scheme aimed at helping people in the same position she was in.
This summer applications will open for a new memorial book, run by the Scottish government and National Records of Scotland, for those who have experienced a pregnancy or baby loss prior to 24 weeks.
Applicants will also be able to request a commemorative certificate, which it is hoped will give recognition and comfort to those who want to record their loss.
How will the new scheme work?
- Applications to record a pre-24 week loss in the memorial book will open in the summer.
- There is no statutory requirement to register the loss and all information given is voluntarily.
- The loss must have taken place in Scotland, or applicants must live in Scotland.
- There is no requirement for applicants to submit medical evidence of the loss.
- More than one loss can be recorded by an applicant, with each on a separate application.
Ailsa, who lives in Kirknewton, West Lothian, with husband Neil, said the voluntary scheme will ensure babies who die under 24 weeks "won't be forgotten" and it will aid the grieving process for many.
She added: "When the news came out I was delighted for all the families. I definitely want the baby in the book.
"That was my first pregnancy, I did go on to have two other children and that's lovely, but that baby is still missed.
"For the first time ever I feel like it has given me permission to speak about it and not feel like it was an invisible loss."
Lynne McMillan, who lost her son Findlay at 21 and a half weeks in 2013, told BBC Scotland she and her husband Gavin would also be applying to be part of the memorial book.
She said: "We had passed the halfway mark and we started thinking about the future so for that to be ripped away from you was just devastating.
"One of my biggest fears for so many years is when I am no longer here there is absolutely no record that Findlay was here.
"He was part of me, he will always be part of me - just to have him formally recognised is amazing."
Nicola Welsh, chief executive of the Held in our Hearts baby loss charity, said the book will act as a "recognition and validation of the loss" for many people.
She added: "It won't be right for everyone because everyone's grief, and how they acknowledge grief, is different.
"But for many families it will mean their little one is recognised.
"For many, particularly if it happened long ago, it has been an invisible loss that they have carried with them and not been able to to share so openly perhaps."
The baby loss book was one of the final announcements made by Nicola Sturgeon before she resigned as first minister.
The ex-SNP leader has spoken in the past about her own personal experience of miscarriage and said the "sense of grief will stay with me and my husband forever".
She said: "I know that we would have drawn comfort at the time if there had been a way for us to mark the loss and formally recognise the child we were grieving."