Male domestic abuse victims seen as 'under the thumb'

A mother whose son was murdered by his girlfriend has said the domestic abuse of males is all too often dismissed as men just being "under the thumb".

Simon Gilchrist was 23 when Caroline Mawhood stabbed him to death at their flat in York in 2004.

His mother, Jose Linnane, said the signs her son was the victim of domestic abuse "didn't register so much" because he was a man.

Mrs Linnane is now working with police to raise awareness of the issue.

Describing how her son had changed during his relationship with Mawhood, Mrs Linnane said: "There was a little spark missing. His phone would go constantly. He didn't see his friends much.

"At first I thought, that's natural in a relationship and working full-time, but then it was like he couldn't do anything.

"I noticed a couple of marks on his face. In my stomach it didn't feel right, but he brushed it off."

"I believe because Simon was male it didn't register so much."

Mrs Linnane added: "If my daughter had been getting umpteen phone calls, I would've said, 'that's not right'. Her group of girlfriends would say the same.

"But a group of men would say, 'you're under the thumb' and she'd be seen as a nagger."

When Mr Gilchrist was attacked by Mawhood with a kitchen knife in a drunken rage in July 2004, he managed to call 999 from a phone box outside the couple's flat in Bell Farm Avenue.

He was taken to hospital but later died.

Caroline Mawhood denied murder but was subsequently found guilty following a trial at Leeds Crown Court and was jailed for life.

She was sentenced to a minimum of 12 years in prison before being able to be considered for parole.

Mrs Linnane is now working with North Yorkshire Police to help highlight the issue of male domestic abuse.

Insp Clare Crossan, from the force, said: "We should never assume it's just a female that can be a victim at the hands of a male.

"Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse: it cuts across gender, class, all parts of society. So, we should be equally tuned in as to whether a victim is male or female."

Insp Crossan said domestic abuse could be violence, but equally it could be controlling or coercive behaviour.

"If you're concerned about a member of your family or a friend, please don't take it as read they're okay. Have that conversation with them and don't just be a bystander," she added.

"Have some further chats around whether they actually are all right - and if your gut feeling is that something is wrong, you may well be right."

The Respect charity, which runs a helpline for male victims of domestic abuse called the Men's Advice Line, said it had seen an increase in calls in the past year.

It took more than 32,600 calls in 2021, up from 22,323 in 2019.

Ippo Panteloudakis, from the charity, said: "There's still a stigma around male domestic abuse - a fear of being ridiculed and laughed at and not believed. Society needs to change to accept male victims.

"Saying men are 'under the thumb' is unacceptable. Laughing at someone is unacceptable. We need to change society as a whole."

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