'Our baby loss certificate is part of our family's story'

BBC Woman's Hour presenter Emma Barnett this week wrote about the heartbreak of losing a baby and how receiving a certificate to mark the miscarriage has helped her family. Here, other women share their thoughts and feelings about the government's new scheme for bereaved parents to commemorate pregnancy losses.

This article contains details that may be upsetting.

I suffered a missed miscarriage in 2020 - my husband and I were devastated. It's not something we talk about very often, but I will never forget my baby who died - the loss is part of me. I also want to have a really open and honest conversation with my children about pregnancy loss.

My son, who is six, knows about his little baby brother or sister who died in mummy's tummy. Having an official document that proves our baby existed, something we can put in our memory keepsake box, to talk about for years to come, is important to me. Laura

The morning baby loss certificates were launched I found myself pouring my details into the website to apply. It was really cathartic - I was surprised by how therapeutic it felt. We have lost four pregnancies over the last three years and I now have four of these certificates.

They are very official documents - they come in a big envelope, and although I won't be framing or displaying them, the fact that this information exists somewhere outside my mind is reassuring. None of the details seem to be on my medical record. Frustratingly, I am asked to recount them whenever relevant in conversations with GPs. My certificates are proof that these experiences happened and they validate the trauma of my losses. Holly

We had a scan and heard its little heart beating. We had a picture, a due date, and so much hope. A month later we went into lockdown and I began to bleed. I went to hospital alone, wearing homemade PPE and the worst was confirmed. They said I could stay as I was bleeding heavily, but I was too scared, so I managed at home, trying to hide my tears and the bleeding from my four year old. I passed the tiny baby and kept it in a box, before burying it under a tree in the garden.

I never spoke to a medical professional about it again, and by the time I saw family and friends things had moved on. I never got to grieve in the way I now know I needed to. I didn't think I needed a piece of paper, but slowly something shifted in me. Having a certificate for this baby will give it an identity beyond my sadness. Lucinda

I haven't yet applied for the certificate but I am considering it. On the day of my 12-week scan, instead of hearing how my baby was doing I was being told my baby was gone. To deal with my emotions I kept using the phrase "it wasn't viable", as that was what I was constantly being told by medical professionals.

When I was miscarrying I was asked what I would want to do with the "remains" - I said nothing as it all felt so unreal. I have huge regret and guilt about how my baby passed. This certificate would help me continue the process of grief and hopefully change conversations going forward for families. Ally

What are baby loss certificates?

I have had three positive pregnancy test results and miscarried three times. One pregnancy lasted longer than the others - I saw the baby's heartbeat at an early scan, I had a scan photo. I feel confused about whether I apply for a baby loss certificate for this pregnancy or for all three. I think I'm still holding on to those messages that if it's early it doesn't count.

I hope these certificates mean people feel they can talk about their losses and that every positive pregnancy that ends in unwanted miscarriage will be recognised and registered - that women will no longer have to question if their baby counted. Lizie

I have such mixed feelings about what to do. I have had 15 rounds of IVF and five pregnancies. I have a little boy who is five and have had four second-trimester miscarriages. I am hugely affected on a daily basis by my losses. I really like the idea of the certificates but have not been able to get past the first page of the website without finding it all too difficult. It has highlighted how much trauma I still hold around my babies and how complicated the emotions are.

I agree with people who say the certificates give legitimacy to my losses, they are more tangible if they are documented. However, I also feel I cannot reduce these much-loved, much-wanted, and much-missed babies to a piece of paper. I don't feel a certificate does them justice. Hannah

I lost my babies in the late 1970s but I still grieve, and I still wonder what the babies I lost would have become - especially around the time which would have been their birthdays. I have nothing to commemorate them other than my memories. A baby loss certificate would give me something to confirm the sadness I felt - and feel - is justified.

I was incredibly sad to find certificates are only currently being offered for "recent" losses and hope the date for which you can apply is rolled back fast enough for me - I'm coming up 71 so really don't have that long to wait. Pat

When the government announcement about baby loss certificates came, my husband and I didn't hesitate to apply. It arrived last week. It is more than just a document showing I had a baby that was lost - it is a physical representation of our family's journey, of what we went through to get to where we are now.

It acknowledges the grief and the pain, and then the courage and eventual joy. It charts the beginning of a story for which there was eventually a happy ending. But the happy ending would not be without that loss and we wanted official recognition of it through the certificate. Sarah