Why I want to share my home with a Ukrainian refugee

People in the UK are being asked to offer a spare room to Ukrainian refugees. But what is it like sharing your home with someone who has fled war or persecution?

For the third time in a year, John Rutherford and his wife Sue are considering opening up their south London house to a refugee.

"We have a big house, my kids have left home," says John. "It's not a great hardship for us to make some space for a refugee."

In 2021, they hosted one person from Ethiopia and one from Iran, each for a couple of weeks while they awaited longer-term accommodation during the asylum application process.

And now, he is ready to open his five-bedroom house again.

He says: "It was the sheer numbers involved that made me want to help. The fact that this is only down the road... means there is even more obligation for us to be hospitable.

"There could be four or five million people looking for places to stay, so the UK has to do its bit and the British people have to do their bit."

He says the system for Ukrainian refugees will involve a bigger commitment than his Ethiopian and Iranian guests - the government are asking for people to offer a place to stay for at least six months.

But John says hosting refugees can be very rewarding.

"I really enjoy meeting people and talking to people from different cultures," he says. "I just found the experience absolutely fascinating, talking about their country, their experiences, their culture."

He says his refugee guests wanted to be useful. The Ethiopian made a meal for his hosts to introduce them to his country's cuisine, while the Iranian repeatedly offered to use his professional skills to repair things around the house.

But he advises anyone considering being a host to be "patient and understanding" - and to learn as much about their guest as they can, in order to offer them the right kind of environment.

"A lot of refugees will be severely stressed, maybe they even have PTSD," John says.

"Chances are, refugees have had terrible experiences, and you have to know when to give them some space and some peace and quiet, or when they might want companionship."

He suggests finding out about their interests; whether they want to attend a church or other religious services; whether they have hobbies; or whether they prefer peace and relaxation or keeping busy.

But with the Homes for Ukraine scheme requiring people in the UK to identify a named refugee they can host, John questions how many people who might want to help - but don't have a personal connection with a Ukrainian - could be matched with someone.

On previous occasions John hosted refugees, it was arranged by the charity Refugees At Home, which visited him to check on the accommodation being offered and asked about any house rules.

He then received information about the refugee they hoped to place with him - with details such as their age, country of origin, and whether they spoke English.

John says he is concerned about the lack of a similar system for Ukrainians, with the government suggesting people in the UK could make contact with refugees via social media. "I am concerned about what support mechanism there will be," he says.

Since the Ukraine scheme was announced, John has contacted Refugees at Home, and urges anyone considering opening their doors to see it as an opportunity.

"It might be challenging," he says, "but it can also be very enriching."