Laura Nuttall's sister Gracie: 'It feels like losing a future and a sibling'
Family photoLike a lot of 21-year-olds, Gracie Nuttall has just finished university and is looking forward to her future.
But unlike most people her age, she's just lost her big sister.
Laura Nuttall was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme - the most aggressive form of brain cancer - in 2018.
Told she had 12 months to live, she constantly surprised doctors with her positive attitude, living life to the full right up until she died last month.
She was just 23.
For Gracie, Laura's ability to defy expectations is what makes it so difficult to get used to her not being around any more.
"We'd been told for so long 'this is it'," Gracie tells BBC Newsbeat.
"And then the amount of times that she came back with a force... she did a full-on 'hold my beer'.
"I think you end up with hope which is the worst part because you actually believe that she will get better.
"Right up until the last day I didn't think she was going."
Family photoGracie says her sister's death has been like losing her "other half".
"You're fine until something gets you," she says.
Gracie means little reminders. Like getting home and realising Laura's bedroom light is off.
Or seeing something funny online and looking forward to sharing it with her.
Until she remembers that she can't.
"It just feels like there's a gaping hole in the house and I can't get my head around the fact that she isn't coming back," says Gracie.
"It feels like losing a future as well as losing a sibling."
'I expected her to be at my wedding'
Laura became quite well-known thanks to news reports about the bucket list she made after her diagnosis.
She met Michelle Obama, had a go at commanding a Royal Navy ship and even convinced Peter Kay to perform for the first time in years.
Gracie was 16 years old when Laura was diagnosed, and has been by her side, ticking things off together to raise money and awareness about brain tumours.
The whole time, she's been known as "Laura's sister".
"I think the last five years have broken down into 'how was Laura'," says Gracie.
"So when she was going through radiotherapy that's how I see my life - through how well she was."
Family photoGracie's also achieved a lot in the last five years, including finishing school and getting a 2:1 in film production from the University of Salford.
And she's honest about what it's been like to juggle that with the situation back home.
"At the start it was terrifying," she says.
"I was trying to do my A-levels, I was 16 and I took about six months off college."
She says her mum and dad did an "amazing" job of caring for Laura at the family home in Lancashire, but admits their relationship "was quite strained at some points".
"A lot of things I had to just keep to myself," she says.
"Going to uni was hard, coming back every weekend and having to switch on and off into different modes."
Her mum Nicola admits it was difficult to focus on both sisters when Laura was ill.
"I think siblings get really neglected through this process," she says.
"People didn't always stop to think: 'How is Grace?'.
"Actually the grief of a sibling is more long-lasting really, you're expected to have your sister to the end."
It's clear Gracie has fond memories too - her face lights up when she talks about the fun the sisters had together.
But she has advice for anyone going through something similar - be sure to take time for yourself.
"Everybody tells you to spend time with them, and the worst phrase, 'make memories'," she says.
"Definitely do that if you can but make sure that you're not doing only that and make sure that you are looking after yourself.
"If you need 10 minutes or a day, take it.
"There's no handbook for how to deal with this but I was expecting everything to be bad and it's not.
"Some things are really good still and you can't beat yourself up for still enjoying little bits of life."
Family photoGracie admits she's nervous about her own graduation next month following Laura's own ceremony last summer.
"I think I am kind of dreading it because she was always going to be there and now she's not," she says.
"It's going to be a very emotional day for many different reasons.
"But we'll have to find a way to take her with us and to do something special."
Gracie has plans after graduation, but admits thoughts of her sister are never far away.
"The idea of a future without Laura, as much as we'd been told to prepare for, I've never been prepared for," she says.
"Even after her diagnosis, I expected her to be at my wedding and be the auntie to my children and that's just not going to happen.
"So I don't really know what the future looks like any more, because I've spent 21 years thinking that's what it would be and it's been snatched out from under me."
One thing Gracie is sure about is though, is adopting some of her sister's positivity.
"Laura was the bravest and the kindest person," she says.
"When she was told she was going to die, she decided she was going to have fun and she did.
"She did all the things that she wanted to do in such a short space of time.
"So what's our excuse? We haven't got a time limit so why don't we just do those silly things? Let's jump out of a plane... all those things."
And how does "Laura's sister" feel about the last five years?
"It hasn't been massively easy," she says.
"But I would definitely go back to that and have every conversation start with 'how's your sister?' if that meant she'd still be here."
