Crash death families urge people to stop and think before posting online

A group of bereaved families behind a new campaign urging people to stop and think before they share images or details of car crashes online say people need to remember those affected by the tragedy.

The It's Not Your Story To Tell campaign wants people to consider how their actions hurt those grieving after a road death.

It has been launched by the newly-established Road Victim Support Northern Ireland-Donegal campaign group.

Campaigner Marie O'Brien said there was no respect shown to her family in 2016 when her 23-year-old daughter Caoimhe's name was circulated online shortly after she died in a fatal crash and before she could tell her son.

"It is family grief, it should be the family who tell their story," she told BBC Radio Foyle's North West Today, adding that she ended up "fighting the internet" to ensure her son heard the news from her.

Mrs O'Brien said police called to the family home in the early hours of the morning, after the crash on the A5 road between Londonderry and Strabane.

"When I opened the door and seen the policeman in uniform, and a policewoman in her own clothes, I just knew something was badly wrong," she said.

"They didn't have to tell me, I just knew."

The officers asked if she could contact the rest of the family but, as Mrs O'Brien told them she could not contact her son until the morning, they agreed to hold back releasing Caoimhe's name until that happened.

However, Caoimhe's name was already being circulated online by the time Mrs O'Brien managed to speak with her son.

"So it was me fighting the internet to get him before he got a notification on his phone to say Caoimhe was dead.

"Her friends were waking up with this notification on their phones, phoning me saying 'is this true, is Caoimhe dead?'

"That is no way (to find out). There was no respect for us as a family, no respect or dignity thought about. It is not how you want people to hear."

Caoimhe is one of more than 50 people to have died on Northern Ireland's A5 road - which runs between Londonderry and Aughnacloy - since 2006.

Campaigners, such as those connected to the Enough is Enough group, have long argued that the road should be upgraded to a dual carriageway.

That upgrade was approved last October but is now the subject of a judicial review and has long been opposed by some, including the Alternative A5 Alliance group.

However, this new campaign has a simple - and unifying message - Mrs O'Brien said.

"Before you post, before you share, before you hit send - stop.

"Think about the family behind the tragedy, think about the mother making that call, about the brother who deserves to hear it from someone who loves him, not from a notification.

"That's why It's Not Your Story To Tell is so important to me."

Debbie Mullan, whose 17-year-old son Keelan died in a car crash in March 2013, said social media content can have a "devastating impact" on bereaved families.

"I think it is the mindset now that people do seem to pull out their phones all too often and hit record without any thought of what they post. It seems to be an automatic response," she said.

Keelan was going to the local shop near the family home in Drumsurn, County Londonderry, to get a loaf of bread when the car he was driving collided with a tractor.

Mrs Mullan, a counsellor who chairs the new cross-border group, added: "What they are not thinking about is the trauma, the retraumatisation they are causing for families."

A Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) spokesperson said they hoped members of the public would be respectful and not cause further distress to grieving families.

Meanwhile, the Gardaí (Irish police) has also asked people to stop and think before sharing information online about road accidents, saying it would give grieving families time and space in their most devastating moments.

Eamonn Karran, from Derry, is also involved with the campaign group and is leading an initiative to specifically help bereaved men.

His 18-year-old son, Noah, died in a crash in September 2023.

"Society does expect the father to stand up to a certain degree and look after the family but in situations like this when you become so vulnerable and so weak, it is a very difficult thing to do."

He said it was important to seek help, even in the early stages.

He said his group's Men's Time To Talk initiative provided "a safe space for men to talk, men who are grieving or struggling".

If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story, help and support is available over on the BBC Action Line.