'We empower mums to be the experts on their lives'

“The idea is to empower mum's themselves to be the experts on their own lives. It's not an advice group. It's a sharing collective."

Katy Pilcher, co-founder of N2 Mums Speak, a mothers group in north-west London, says they focus on the mother, rather than the child or baby.

"We wanted to provide a space where people could get together and share their experiences, because motherhood can be quite lonely at times," she says.

Set in a community garden in East Finchley, the children play outdoors while their mothers, sitting on camp chairs, discuss everything from mental health to dealing with unsolicited advice.

The group has been operating since 2021 and was set up in response to the pandemic, which forced many traditional mother-and-baby groups to close their doors.

“Lots of the children's centres were closed, parks even closed, and it was quite lonely for mums at that time," Katy, 38, says.

“We really valued - when we'd had our first children - being able to get together and talk about our experiences.

“So we thought: ‘Why not set up something where people can get together?’."

She continued: “Originally, the idea was to have mums doing talks about things that were pertinent to them and their experiences, and then it evolved into collective themes that people wanted to chat about.

“We talked about lots of really important, powerful things: navigating unsolicited advice, experiences of mothering whilst battling mental health issues, stigma of motherhood."

She adds it is a "space for mums to get together and talk about who they are as people and their identity as a mother".

Kealey Kissiedu said the group had helped her to not feel alone when she became a mother for the first time.

“We all have anxieties about being a first-time mum," the 36-year-old says.

“Everyone's going through the same thing. You don't actually feel alone, actually, someone else feels like that too. It is normal and you're not the only one."

Vidya Nair said she joined the group with her baby daughter after moving to the UK from India and no longer having access to a big community.

"Lockdown happened, she was born and we were at home almost a whole year," the 35-year-old says.

“We had a few friends, but it is not the same once you are a parent.

“When I started coming here, I met other mums.”

Emmy West, who co-founded the group alongside Katy, said when the group first met during the pandemic, some of the mothers found it very emotional.

“It is already such a difficult and challenging time, becoming a parent for the first time in the backdrop of covid restrictions. I think it was really hard for them," she says.

"A lot of mums had never met other mums before, and their babies had never been in the same space."

Katy adds: "One woman cried because it was the first time her baby had ever seen another baby in real life.”

Emmy says the group would love some support with organisation and childcare, so that the children can be more formally looked after while the mothers speak to each other.

Katy adds the group continues to meet outside as it creates a "peaceful" environment.

“We always meet here no matter what the weather, which has presented its challenges at times," she says.

“When it rains, it's quite funny. We have to put a canopy up and prod it every so often.

“It's just lovely being outdoors in the nature for the kids to run around and explore.

"It's such a nice, peaceful space."

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