Being fostered with my baby 'made me a better mum'

It has been three years since new mum Lydia went into a mental healthcare unit with her 12-week-old son.

She says she had reached breaking point and "was in a really tough place" after being diagnosed with post-natal depression.

But with the support of a parent and child foster scheme, the 23-year-old says she was able to keep her son, Casper, and "become a better mum".

Fru Bird, from Ferndown, is the only foster carer offering this type of support in Dorset, which she says is all about being "authentic and compassionate".

The 53-year-old is an approved foster carer through Dorset Council and has been opening up her family home to help parents and their children for the past five years.

Her work involves giving people a safe place to bond with their child and develop their parenting skills, while Fru observes to help with court assessments.

"It's about helping the parent understand 'fighting for their child' often means managing the mundane tasks of parenting," Fru explains.

"No-one comes into this having had an easy life - the reason why it's needed is there are difficulties, typically mental health is an issue, domestic violence, drugs and alcohol.

"Those three things generally come together in some kind of combination and, if you've been through some awful experiences, trust is really hard."

Lydia says her upbringing was "really tough at times".

"I love my family and they did the best they could but I fell into really dark relationships during my teenage years, so my life got really off track," she explains.

Lydia worked as a full-time carer and says she gave everything to the job and "the other bit of me I gave into my relationships, so I wasn't anyone really".

Feeling a loss of identity after having Casper, Lydia says she became unwell.

"When you have a baby, it really sucks, but you do lose some of your personality - your identity becomes the child because you put everything into them."

During her three-month stay at the mental health unit, Lydia was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder and was recommended to stay with Fru and her family.

She says: "The concept of giving pretty much full rein to another family and not knowing what you're walking into, it's hard.

"Now we come every Sunday for lunch, which is really lovely and we get to spend time with the whole family, because they are my family now - we've been basically adopted without the official things and Fru is also Casper's godmum."

Dorset Council hopes to have at least five parent and child foster carers in the region.

Fru says that to offer this support you "just have to have a spare room and a heart".

"The most important thing it you're authentic, you're quite open about the way you live," she adds.

"I think it's really important you don't over-promise to someone who has difficulties trusting, otherwise you let them down and then you're just in the same category as everyone else who ever let them down."

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