'I believe my son will end up killing somebody'

Parents and guardians who are being physically and mentally abused by the children in their care desperately need more help, a support service says.

Parental Education Growth Support (PEGS), a group which helps parents across the country facing abuse, said it had seen referrals double in the past year with more than 200 in the last week.

Some of the parents it supports have been speaking to the BBC about the violence they have faced:

Warning: This story contains descriptions of abuse

It was the second time she had discovered her son was searching the internet for ways to kill his family that Shirley - not her real name - decided to report him to the police.

The mum described being physically attacked by the 19-year-old since he was three years old.

"I do believe he will end up killing somebody some day," said Shirley, adding "It's my worst nightmare."

In a recent survey of 100 service users, PEGS, based in Shropshire, found 98% of parents experienced verbal abuse daily from their adult children.

They also found a quarter of parents faced physical abuse each month.

The mum said she was punched, slapped and kicked by her son as well as experiencing verbal abuse and coercive control.

"I did manage to rein him in most of the time but when he got older, it was a lot harder," she said.

Previously her son had searched the internet for advice on how to kill a child, making the mum fearful for his siblings.

There had previously been some involvement from social services, she explained, but she had felt "blamed" by them for his behaviour.

"I've always been a good mother and really strict about what my children had watched on television and the internet," she added.

When her son started looking online for ways to kill her husband she said she had called the police but her local force failed to act.

"You just want help...it was beyond me I didn't know what else to do," she said.

"I felt like I was living in a movie."

Shirley's son was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, she said.

"Unfortunately his brain will never see his wrongdoings, only ours," she added.

More than 170 mothers in the UK were killed by their sons over the past 15 years, according to a recent report by the Femicide Census .

This accounts for nearly one in ten of all women killed by men during this period.

The statistic was "harrowing" said Michelle John, founding director of PEGS.

The government has pledged to halve violence against women and girls in the next ten years.

A spokesperson said tackling abuse of parents in their own homes was a "vital" part of that challenge.

The Home Office said it would be setting out plans to tackle the problem in the coming months.

Parents coming to PEGS for help were often experiencing "extreme behaviours" leading to the parent or caregiver living "in fear of their child or their child's reactions", said Ms John.

Their latest report highlighted abuse by children aged over 18, but a lot of those parents experienced abuse from when the children were very young, she said.

"This type of abuse rarely just starts in adulthood and we know the parents have been asking for help and support for a very long time," she added.

Mary - also not her real name - said her son, 22, had been violent towards her "most of his life".

"Even though he hasn't hit me for about three years now, I still live in fear if he gets angry or his voice raises," she explained.

"As a youngster, my son's needs were not being met at school," she added. "There was not a lot of support or understanding back then.

"There was no empathy or sympathy or understanding, it was just 'he's a naughty boy'".

This caused him to be "explosive" at home, once threatening her with a knife.

His behaviour also affected her mental health and self-esteem.

The emotional toll on respondents to the PEGS survey was "profound" the group said, with most experiencing feelings of guilt, fear and isolation.

Mary, from the West Midlands, said she had "no animosity" towards her son but stressed the need for more support and understanding what she called a "taboo" topic.

She added: "I had close friends but you're just too embarrassed to say things like 'my son has just hit me' - where do you go from there?"

Ms Johns said her organisation had supported about 10,000 parents or caregivers in the five years it has been in existence.

More help for parents facing the "hidden" form of abuse was desperately needed, she added.

"These people are our neighbours, they're our friends, they're in our society.

"This is not about criminalising or demonising young people, what we want to do is help these parents get the support they need and we can only do that by having these discussions, normalising it, and talking about it."

• If you are affected by any of the issues raised, help and support is available via BBC Action Line.

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